3 Things to AVOID while Dating
- Don’t take things too personally!
One thing that is best to AVOID is to take actions or words of potential dates or dating partners personally (as if you have caused the other person’s actions or feelings).
Much of what another person does is about them and probably not about you. Whatever someone else thinks or feels comes from his or her way of seeing the world and their interpretation of their experience, rather than what you have actually created or caused.
- Don’t make assumptions!
We all need to make assumptions about the world. However, another thing to AVOID while dating is making assumptions in the form of Jumping to Conclusions, Mind Reading or interpreting others peoples’ words and actions as you wish and want to see them instead of allowing the person to tell you about themselves. People’s Dating Purpose can vary widely. One person might be looking for casual sex, another might want to get married and have kids or maybe s/he is looking for a long term boy or girlfriend without marriage. Assumptions about a person’s Dating Purpose can lead to disappointment and heartbreak. Be clear what your Dating Purpose is and express it early on in a relationship and inquire as to your date’s ideas of what they are looking for.
Problems can arise when one or both people focus on what they would like to see in the other person versus what is really showing up.
- Don’t take things too quickly!
Another thing while dating that is good to AVOID is jumping ahead of yourself or the current relationship.
Focus on what is the next step or next decision in the relationship you are developing. Do you want to meet someone again and get to know more about them? Do you want to travel together or meet his/her friends or family? Take your time and allow yourself and the other to freely end things when either one wants to.
Are you feeling good and happy with this person? How do they feel about you and the relationship? Talk with him or her about where things are going before taking things too quickly or allowing the other person to get the wrong idea about how you feel. Unless there is a decision to be made right now, focus on getting to know your date and talking about yourself and your interests so they can get to know you. Although having a clear dating purpose and inquiring about the other person’s dating purpose are great ideas, don’t get more caught up in the future than the present reality. Have fun and enjoy the person who might end up being just who you are looking for!
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